See, I've decided that Lu is smaller and weaker than most men (Shame! Evil! Sexist!) and therefore less able to physically fend off an attack from a larger and stronger male armed only with kind words and soiled underwear. To my everlasting shame and guilt I have armed her and forced her to take a concealed carry class and get her carry permit. Even worse I have subjected her to the horror of actually carrying a gun with her everywhere she goes.
It started so innocently. A shotgun and a revolver. Nothing really evil, just guns she could take to the range and have a little fun. But it progressed from there. A rifle. Just one, what harm could it do? But that apparently wasn't enough to satisfy my misogynistic tendencies. The gun buying went on and on, getting worse and worse along the way. Harder and more evil guns were purchased culminating in the two most vile decisions I have made. I bought her not one but two Evil Black Rifles with Evil Magazines. Ah, the shame, it burns me!
But perhaps the worst, the most evil thing I did was to buy her a handgun and holster for her to carry a concealed gun on her actual person. Yes, I am that bad a husband and man. I started with insisting she carry a notquiteevilbutstillprettydarnbad S&W Airweight revolver. I bought her a purse to carry it. An innocent purse may the Lord forgive me. Then I made her get a black leather holster for it and we all know just how evil that makes any gun. But I still wasn't done. I insisted that she take classes and even went so far as to teach her about self defense with a gun myself. But I still wasn't done.
See, Lu is a petite woman and carrying a large capacity handgun is difficult for her. So I went and bought a high capacity handgun for her in .22 LR that she can conceal and carry easily. And it's semi automatic and black! Does my perfidy know no bounds? Is there no end to my hatred for women in general and my wife in particular and their safety?
But it's even worse yet. As we were getting ready to head out to a nice lunch today Lu showed me her Airweight on her hip and asked me if her cover shirt was adequate. I was struck with how sexy a woman wearing a handgun was and overwhelmed with both admiration for her and a deep desire to throw myself at her and have my evil way upon her soft, womanly body.
My shame is complete. I have a wife I have encouraged to learn the martial art of handgun self defense and have so equipped her. Clearly I do not understand how much less safe such preparations have made her. Clearly I want some evil to befall her since all those loving, caring individuals on the left have made it clear that no woman is fit nor able to defend her life and honor with a gun. It would be so much better and safer for her to be at the mercy of some thug the left has encouraged and protected and allowed free reign across our society. I admit my criminal guilt and promise to never rectify this situation.
So there you have it fellow
And for anyone who decides that pretty, petite, middle aged woman is an easy mark please I give you this warning. Lu doesn't agree with the idea of disarming those who most need the protection of a gun and has made the conscious decision that anyone who attacks her or someone she loves deserves the pain she will dish out. And trust me on this, she can Bring It. That's her answer to the question of arming the fairer sex. Because she is the poster woman for 'Fairer Doesn't Equal Helpless' and no ignorant liberal mouthpiece is going to tell her any different. Pro Choice has more than one meaning kids. Something to keep in mind as you continue hypocriting all women as both too strong to need a gun and too weak to handle one at the same time. The real irony here is that sentiment is exactly 180 degrees wrong. Women are strong enough to handle a gun and (in many cases) just weak enough to need one. To deny women the means for self defense is to wish harm upon them all. Perhaps that is the real crime here?
I suppose all this does indeed make me a bad husband in the eyes of some but not in the beautiful blue eyes of the woman I love most. I am content. It is a verdict we can both live with.