'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton

16 April 2013

I Am A Bad Husband

I'm here to confess and ask for forgiveness. I am a bad husband. First, I am a man so that automatically makes me a bad person but it goes deeper than that. Much deeper.

See, I've decided that Lu is smaller and weaker than most men (Shame! Evil! Sexist!) and therefore less able to physically fend off an attack from a larger and stronger male armed only with kind words and soiled underwear. To my everlasting shame and guilt I have armed her and forced her to take a concealed carry class and get her carry permit. Even worse I have subjected her to the horror of actually carrying a gun with her everywhere she goes.

It started so innocently. A shotgun and a revolver. Nothing really evil, just guns she could take to the range and have a little fun. But it progressed from there. A rifle. Just one, what harm could it do? But that apparently wasn't enough to satisfy my misogynistic tendencies. The gun buying went on and on, getting worse and worse along the way. Harder and more evil guns were purchased culminating in the two most vile decisions I have made. I bought her not one but two Evil Black Rifles with Evil Magazines. Ah, the shame, it burns me!

But perhaps the worst, the most evil thing I did was to buy her a handgun and holster for her to carry a concealed gun on her actual person. Yes, I am that bad a husband and man. I started with insisting she carry a notquiteevilbutstillprettydarnbad S&W Airweight revolver. I bought her a purse to carry it. An innocent purse may the Lord forgive me. Then I made her get a black leather holster for it and we all know just how evil that makes any gun. But I still wasn't done. I insisted that she take classes and even went so far as to teach her about self defense with a gun myself. But I still wasn't done.

See, Lu is a petite woman and carrying a large capacity handgun is difficult for her. So I went and bought a high capacity handgun for her in .22 LR that she can conceal and carry easily. And it's semi automatic and black! Does my perfidy know no bounds? Is there no end to my hatred for women in general and my wife in particular and their safety?

But it's even worse yet. As we were getting ready to head out to a nice lunch today Lu showed me her Airweight on her hip and asked me if her cover shirt was adequate. I was struck with how sexy a woman wearing a handgun was and overwhelmed with both admiration for her and a deep desire to throw myself at her and have my evil way upon her soft, womanly body.

My shame is complete. I have a wife I have encouraged to learn the martial art of handgun self defense and have so equipped her. Clearly I do not understand how much less safe such preparations have made her. Clearly I want some evil to befall her since all those loving, caring individuals on the left have made it clear that no woman is fit nor able to defend her life and honor with a gun. It would be so much better and safer for her to be at the mercy of some thug the left has encouraged and protected and allowed free reign across our society. I admit my criminal guilt and promise to never rectify this situation.

So there you have it fellow Subjects Citizens. I leave it to you to determine my fate. I accept the charges as levied against me but I will accept no plea bargain, make no apologies. I will proudly go to the reeducation camps secure in the knowledge that Lu is safe behind me with her gun on her hip.

And for anyone who decides that pretty, petite, middle aged woman is an easy mark please I give you this warning. Lu doesn't agree with the idea of disarming those who most need the protection of a gun and has made the conscious decision that anyone who attacks her or someone she loves deserves the pain she will dish out. And trust me on this, she can Bring It. That's her answer to the question of arming the fairer sex. Because she is the poster woman for 'Fairer Doesn't Equal Helpless' and no ignorant liberal mouthpiece is going to tell her any different. Pro Choice has more than one meaning kids. Something to keep in mind as you continue hypocriting all women as both too strong to need a gun and too weak to handle one at the same time. The real irony here is that sentiment is exactly 180 degrees wrong. Women are strong enough to handle a gun and (in many cases) just weak enough to need one. To deny women the means for self defense is to wish harm upon them all. Perhaps that is the real crime here?

I suppose all this does indeed make me a bad husband in the eyes of some but not in the beautiful blue eyes of the woman I love most. I am content. It is a verdict we can both live with.



Warlock Sundance said...

can't stop laughing.....that was great.

Keads said...

Guilty as charged and good on you and LU!

I recently went through the same depraved actions with......My Mother. The shame I feel knows no bounds. Plus I am NEVER getting that little S&W snubby back!

Murphy's Law said...

You rock, dude!

Paladin said...

Clearly you are headed to the 7th level of the Pit of Eternal Fire.

Save me a seat :)

Six said...

Thanks Warlock. BTW, I finally added you to the blogroll. Please forgive me for taking so long. I have reached that age....

Thanks Keads! Yes, we are unrepentant scoundrels. Hey, maybe we'll get cells in the camp together.

Thanks ML. I have great role models!

Got ya covered Paladin. From reading all of you guys I'm thinking it's going to be pretty dang crowded!

Rev. Paul said...

That was fantastic! Made me actually laugh out loud.

Lu's a fortunate woman to have such an "evil" husband.

Six said...

Thanks Rev!

RabidAlien said...

Heh. If you're going to the camps for "being a bad husband", I'll bring a deck of cards. I hear its kinda boring between reeducation classes. Who's got the Frisbee for the exercise yard?

My wife was rabidly anti-gun when we got married. I was a fence-sitter, not owning one and rarely having shot any, but recognized them as tools and the real evil being those wielding the guns. Then my brother and I got my wife and his fiance out to the range. One trip. One little Walther P22. And for the next MONTH, I was slammed with emails from my wife with links to various gun blogs, gun sites, reviews of various handguns, safety tips for the home, etc. (yeah, she's got a desk job, and there's a fair amount of down-time). Now, two and a half years later, we're gun owners, NRH members, friends with quite a few awesome folks in the gun community, and have our CHL packets in the mail on their way to processing (which in Texas takes a lot longer than you would think...this being Texas and all...). Yup. I'll be in the cell just down the hall from you guys.

Six said...

We'll have a section all to ourselves RA. You, me and all the rest of these lunatics. Over in the corner drinking home brew and planning our breakout Stalag 17 style!

instinct said...

I did not know my own evil until I saw it reflected in your photos. I too bought my wife the exact same semi-auto .22

May the good Lord forgive me because I also purchased her a revolver and a shotgun!

I fear that my path is set and there is no redemption available to me so I should just go ahead and get her that Sig 2022 she's been wanting.

Six said...

Yep, best to go ahead and give in to the dark side Instinct. We can form a self help group!

Monkeywrangler said...

Ah, it is heartening to see evidence that there are still real Men here in this country!

Rabid: It's been running 30-45 days on the TXCHL for renewals in the last 6mo. Not sure how much longer new apps are taking.

Six: Next up for your dear Lu should be an AK...or if the weight is an issue with a full mag, try the SKS. :)


Bag Blog said...

I have my CC and my hubby bought me a gun. Now I want one of those purses that have the holster compartment and can easily be reached on any side of the purse. My Hubby like buying such things, too.

Six said...

Great idea Vic. Oh, and we have a seat in the camp all ready for you as well :) I think Keads is bringing the hootch!

Lu got her gun purse from Ray's Holsters BB. I think we paid in the 70 dollar range for it. Michael can make you a custom one. More spendy but it would be custom and he does fabulous work.

Anonymous said...

Just think of all the money you could have saved by just getting her one of those new liberal RAPE whistles.

Anonymous said...

Hey Six, is your "BD......" e-mail still active? I've got a picture I want to send you. If it's no longer a good address and you don't mind, drop me a note at my "flurme" address. If you don't mind, that is. regards, Alemaster

Six said...

Hey Alemaster. Cool. Dang it, I can't find your addy. My e-mail is


I don't mind having it out in the aether. Hate mail from the troll is always good for a chuckle or two :)

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