In Remembrance

It's been a year since you left us. I still miss you pal and I always will.

Trooper Is Home

Hey everyone. This will be my final Trooper post.

The DO said it for me but let me just say how much your words and friendship have meant to Lu and me. That you are gracious and concerned enough to leave us your well wishes and prayers is beyond price and I will never forget you for it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Trooper was more than my dog, he was my best friend. I've struggled with the guilt of my decision to let Doc ease him from his plight. Luckily I had Lu. What I couldn't see she did. When I couldn't think she could. When I was inconsolable she somehow managed to console me. She talked me through the pain and the tears and the guilt and got me through to the other side and I will forever be in awe of her strength and her wisdom. Thanks sweetheart. I love you.

We got Trooper back today and brought him home. The circle is complete. The Doc and his staff were great and we are indebted to them for taking such good care of Trooper and us. We said our final tearful goodbyes in the place where he passed in my arms. As I held his box I stroked it and imagined the feel of his soft, warm fur in my hands. But that box contains only his mortal remains, it cannot hold his magnificent spirit. Trooper was a once in a lifetime dog and I wish I could find the words to convey that to you.

I will remember. I will remember him as he was. Happy, joyful, active, loving and comforting. I will remember the ecstatic reunions every day when I came home from work. I will remember that fat black puppy with his head in my hands. Trusting and at home with me, knowing we were meant to be together. I will remember the cake stolen from an end table. The joyful crunching of a treat on quiet evenings at home. I will remember him at the lake and the beach and a pond near work. I will remember the snores from my bedside, keeping me company on dark, wakeful nights, knowing I was never alone. I will remember him sleeping at my feet, just to be near me. I will remember his laughing bark in the back of the truck as he realized we were going to one of his favorite walking spots (He had many). I will remember what great companions he and Chrisi were. I will remember how much we loved each other and how many lessons he taught me. I will remember those things and so many more. I will remember.

Lu and I are taking off tomorrow, heading to the Utah house for a while. Too many sharp memories here right now. I see him and hear him everywhere. This house was his house and there is no part of it he has not touched. He lived his whole life here.

The DO and Sarge have taken good care of this place while I've been gone and I'm going to ask them to do it for just a little bit longer. Thanks guys. The grief is passing but I need some distance and time to regain my bearings and gather some insight.

For those of you who have loved and lost there is this:

Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance.

His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.

Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….
Author unknown…

I know Trooper is there with your own loved ones. He is doubtless being shown where all the good sleeping spots are and they are playing together. Someone has a ball and a game of chase is in the offing. Trooper can see again and is no longer sick and weak. He is no longer in pain. He can run again and swim again and bark that joyous sound again. He is happy and he is waiting...

I love you my old friend. I will never forget you. There is a hole in my heart that nothing can ever fill and that is as it should be. You were the greater part of me and I was never worthy of your devotion.

I'll see you soon pal.

Six

An Update

Alright, a bit of an update for you all.

Troopie was cremated and once The Six and Lu have him back they are gonna go off for a bit of time away from the house, it's suddenly too quiet there. This also means that he needs a bit of time away to grieve and regroup. The Sarge and I will do our best to keep this place free from cobwebs till The Six is ready to get back to it.

Please know that your thoughts and comments over the last days and months have been a great blessing. For Dad to have someone to talk to about his beloved Trooper, to have someone to hope with him, and someone to grieve with him has made this transition a bit easier to bear. We can't thank you enough for your kindness and your friendship.

And so I'll leave you all with a few of the pictures I have, so that we can remember our beloved friend as he was.

Goodbye my buddy, my little brother. You will be forever missed.

The DO

Trooper, The DO, and Chrisi

Trooper and Chrisi, out at the meadows to work

Chrisi, The Six and Trooper

Chrisi and Trooper, at the meadow, on alert while working

Troopie, all ears and tongue flapping

Troopie and Chrisi, the best of friends, in the backyard

Trooper Nov. 30, 1995 to Aug. 30, 2010 RIP

Doc came by the house and we talked. He checked Trooper out but we all already knew the answer.

We went out to the back yard. Doc gave him a relaxant and at about 2:45 the final shot and Trooper passed away. I break out in spasms of new tears as I write that. Lu can't stop crying. I cannot believe my friend is gone.

I can write no more today. I'm taking a week or so to cope and grieve. I'll be back soon.

I am a bag of broken glass.

Eric

Update

Trooper had a really bad weekend. We have an appointment with Doc at 1530. It's looking bad but Trooper has surprised me many times. I'm going to hold back the tears and not borrow pain until I get a chance to talk with him. I'll update this post afterward either way.
Six

Love

Last April I wrote this about my beloved dog Trooper. Since then we've been treating Trooper for diabetes, old age and general health breakdown.

We had a growth taken off his neck. We did it because it was causing him discomfort and Doc was sure it could be removed without too many issues. He's developed another one near his anus that bleeds and is obviously painful. Doc won't remove it because there's a nerve that controls the sphincter right there that he's sure would get damaged to the extent that he'd lose control of his bowels.

He's also developed a new lesion on his right front leg. It doesn't seem to bother him so at this stage I'm letting it be. He has allergies so he's on Hydroxizine. The problem is that in his weak condition it makes it hard for him to even get up off a hard surface floor and that's a problem. Since he was a puppy he's loved sleeping on tile, wood, concrete, anything hard and cool. When he's not on the medication his eyes swell and droop and his already very limited eyesight gets even worse. Medicate or not? I try and watch so I can medicate when he needs it but not so much that it causes more problems. He's had a hard time getting outside. It's a rare day when he doesn't have an accident in the house. It bothers him, I can tell. He hates it when he can't make it outside. Don't tell me a dog doesn't understand. Trooper knows.

What can I do? Just as I loved him as a puppy I love him as an old dog. He's earned the right to be an old dog. Earned it and I owe it to him.

But when is the time to say goodbye? How do I judge such a thing? This life is literally in my all too human hands. How do I say that's enough, your life is no longer worth living and it's time for that last ride?

I spend my days with him, every day, as close as I can. I stay up late to help him get outside for his late night visit to the backyard. I tend his conditions, medicate him, feed him and watch him with my heart in my throat and my ears cocked for signs of distress.

I sit with him and touch him whenever I can. It seems to help. He's most relaxed when he's near me, physically touching and being touched. I love him and ask myself the question. Every day. It's all I can do.

I was overjoyed when I was able to keep Trooper alive in April. I was grateful for the chance to spend more time together. But. In the back of my mind there is that place I hate to visit. The place where the voice tells me things I don't want to hear. That our time since then was always going to be limited, difficult and ultimately short. It is the logical part of my mind that is always watching, evaluating and weighing. The emotional part of me is stronger still but the awareness is creeping in again. The knowledge that I can't put it off forever. That our time is drawing to a close. But not now. Not today. We will get through today together.

I will love Trooper with all my heart for as long as I can. I will touch him and whisper to him and tend his honorable wounds and infirmities with care and devotion. And in the end I will let him go. It will crush me but I will do what is necessary.

Because I love my dog.

Lagniappe

Lagniappe and his Guy are going through a very hard time. Please go give them some love.

You guys are in our thoughts and prayers. I understand how hard this is.

Trooper is Ok but still fading pretty fast. His eyesight is completely gone now and as of tonight he has to sleep in the living room because he can't make it to the dog door from our bedroom and has accidents in the house. Twice last night. I'll be sleeping on the couch for the forseeable future.

Where did the time go? I thought we had some left.

Six

Canine Diabetes Mellitus

Time for a Trooper update. I also want to document our journey so if anyone out there finds themselves in our shoes you'll have a starting place and an idea of what's involved.

First the weasel words. Trooper has Insulin dependant Canine Diabetes Mellitus. He's also
14 1/2 years old, mostly blind, a little deaf with a bad thyroid, allergies, no testosterone production and an artificial hip. This is our story, his and mine and I'm doing things the way that seems best to me from my Vet recommendations and what I've learned through research and trial and error. Please educate yourself and seek advice and treatment from a reputable Veterinarian. I am neither a Veterinarian nor a medical professional. My advice is based on my experience. Your mileage may vary.

All things considered Trooper is doing well. He's responding to the insulin and has gained some more weight. He's slowed down considerably but still manages to get around. His eyesight has stabilized but he's sprouting some skin growths that are probably cancerous. We're going to have them removed by freezing (he can't take any more surgery) when he stabilizes but otherwise I'm not overly concerned.

This is his medicine cabinet. I think I need one of those little grandpa pill containers. Insulin, Syringes, Joint Care, Hydroxazine, Levothyroxine, Prednisone and Rimadyl. Add in eye goop and Iodine for his skin growths and our medicine regimen is full.

Lu made a log so we can keep track of what he gets and when he gets it as well as food and testing. I try to keep pretty meticulous records so if something comes up I can more easily diagnose the problem. Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have Lu around? She's a real peach.

Shots. I was most concerned about the twice daily injections but that fear was unfounded. I got good info from the Vet and thankfully Trooper is very stoic. The shots don't seem to bother him at all. The syringes are incredibly thin. 30 gauge and very, very sharp. I've stuck myself a few times and they went in almost without sensation. No pain. They are one and done. Don't reuse syringes. The easiest place for me to stick is on Trooper's neck. The skin and flesh are thick and I can easily find the skin behind the fur.

Insulin must be mixed but do it gently. Follow the directions and your vet's recommendations. The insulin will bubble badly if you shake it vigorously. Also, mix exactly the same way every time. Consistency is key to insure he's getting the same dose every time. Otherwise he'll yo yo, the tests will be inconsistent and you'll have a harder time getting the dosage correct.

A word of caution on filling the syringe. You must be certain all air bubbles are out of the syringe. If you get a vein the insulin will still work but if there's a bubble it can kill your dog. My syringes come with a small gap between the plunger and the base of the syringe. I start by depressing the plunger all the way. I insert the needle and do a partial draw. I flick the needle body with a finger nail and watch to make sure all air bubbles rise to the top. I press the plunger and expel the air and insulin completely. I do another draw 1 unit past the dose and then press the plunger again until I get to the correct dosage. Now we're ready. Get trained by your Vet and practice before you do your first injection. When you're ready be confident and sure handed. A word on units. Be sure you go over this with your Vet. It's easy to miss read the unit markings and give too much or too little and either can have catastrophic results.

I have Trooper lie down and get settled I grab a handful of loose flesh and expose the skin underneath. Trooper handles the procedure without complaint. Seriously, he's under absolutely no stress. I wish I was more like him.

When we're both ready and I've picked the injection site i make a quick stab at a shallow angle and press the plunger to the stop. In this photo I'm pinching, lifting up and pulling forward. The injection is going in toward the head, below the pinch and into the meaty part of his neck flesh while not into the muscle. I was trained to do subcutaneous but intra-muscular is also acceptable.

Trooper doesn't need a treat afterward and sometimes he'll get up immediately after and go find a place to catch a nice nap. Still, a juicy tidbit makes the medicine go down more easily. If you have a sensitive dog I recommend you have someone hold the treat where he can see it and give it immediately afterward with plenty of praise. Lu and I are ready in case Trooper should decide he's had enough of the needles. The one in my other hand is for sister Chrisi. Can't leave her out. Anything Trooper gets she gets. Except the shot of course.

Have a sharps container handy. Most pharmacy's will take used needles for disposal. Do not throw them in the trash. Sooner or later you'll have a line of junkies at your house stretching around the block.

Diet is critical. We chose a quality brand dog food (the same he's been eating in fact) as opposed to making our own. We get good and consistent nutrition and don't have to deal with the effects of changing his diet. If you're a dog owner you know exactly what I'm talking about. I limit treats to hard biscuits, again a quality brand. I feed 1 cup of dry mixed with 1/4 cup of canned at injection times. He should eat when the injections are given. Afterward I put 1 to 2 cups of dry in his bowl for between meal snacking. Food should be available when the dog is hungry. Again, consistency is the key. Monitor the dog to see when he's eating and how much and modify your feeding accordingly. With Trooper, he eats only when he's hungry and neither of them is a food thief. Food can stay in the bowls all day.

Also monitor output. Yep, you can't overlook anything. I test his urine every morning before the meal and injection. Consistency has become our byword. I watch his leavings for texture and frequency. One problem for Trooper, and it is probably as much a function of his age as his Diabetes, is gas. If he's not eliminating regularly or if it's becoming too firm I'll modify his diet. It usually means a night lying on the floor with him, rubbing his belly and talking soothingly as he pants heavily. This is where the log comes in. I know exactly what he's eaten, how much and what treats. Trooper hates it but table scraps are strictly off his menu as are the more spicy treats like pigs ears (his absolute favorite) and anything that tends to plug him up. Like cheese.

At the risk of driving it into the ground, consistency is absolutely key. For me, that consistency is maintained by monitoring everything and the log book. I tend to spend as much time with Trooper as I can and most days that's 24 hours. Luckily I'm retired so I have that time to spend. Lu has been invaluable as anytime I'm not there she is and Trooper both loves and trusts her. If you're single make a good friend or two. Help can can literally be the difference between a comfortable life and a painful death. Insulin must be given at precise 12 hour intervals with food and if you're working or just human schedules can be a problem.

When we started down this road I was concerned that I'd be overwhelmed. With Lu's help (and the DO when she was visiting (Thanks sweetie) and Trooper's stoic acceptance and trust in me it has been a lot easier than I could have hoped. Again, consistency helps here as well. I don't have to remember, I have it written down and I do the same things the same way at the same time every day. Dogs tend to like routine and it lowers both your and his stress levels.

There are pitfalls to be aware of, primarily Hypoglycemia and Ketoacidosis.

Hypoglycemia is too little blood sugar and can be caused by too much insulin, a missed or late meal or a vomited meal. Monitor at all times. If you think you might have missed an injection but can't remember don't give one. Lack of insulin makes Trooper feel sick but an overdose may kill him. We have syrup and honey immediately available in case of hypoglycemia. Rub some on the dogs gums, do not pour it into his mouth, and monitor. Call your Vet or an animal hospital.

Canine Ketoacidosis is a condition that is triggered by chronic (severe) diabetes. It is caused by the body breaking down fats in the body for energy when there isn't enough glucose available. It requires immediate Veterinarian intervention. In fact in my opinion both conditions merit such intervention. Don't mess with this stuff. I urine test for glucose and ketones every morning and log the results.

Here's a typical day for us.

7:40 am and the alarm goes off. I get up and rouse Trooper. We go out for a pee and urine test. Back inside and I fix the morning meal and morning meds. Chrisi joins us by this time because she's The Princess after all and 7:40 am is for the peasants. Meal done and we sit for eye goop and lesion treatment. I have Trooper lie down and prepare his injection. Precisely at 8:00 Trooper gets his first shot of the day. Afterward he usually goes off to bed and if it's been a rough night I join him. Otherwise I get on with my schedule. I refill food bowls with 1-2 cups of dry and top off water. If I have errands this is a good time. I don't stay away long and usually Lu will baby sit for me. I clean the yard (every day) and analyze leavings. I've become quite the poop expert. I watch his food and water intake throughout the day. By evening everyone is pretty well settled. 7:45 pm and I fix the evening meal with evening meds. More eye goop and Iodine. I prepare his evening injection. 8:00 pm on the dot he gets his second and last shot of the day. This may be followed by a treat if he's in the mood. Dry food in the bowl for night time snacking, a check of water bowls and usually he's done for the night.

Lu and I tend to sleep with an ear cocked for certain sounds. Trooper has gas occasionally and when he does he pants heavily. That means a night on the floor, cuddled with him, rubbing his belly and talking soothingly until he gets relief. He also sleeps hard enough that he gets lost in a dark room. We keep lights on in the house and outside every night but he's pretty groggy when he wakes up at 0 dark thirty. We've both shot out of bed from a dead sleep many times upon hearing him bumping into things and panting. He also can't always make the door outside so we've placed throw rugs and carpet runners in strategic locations to catch the accidents. It's a fact of life and one we don't obsess over. Besides, Lu can awaken from a sound sleep at the drop of a poop and insists that clean up is under her sole purview. I do so love that woman. She also frequently takes the morning routine after a particularly tough night for me and the boy.

Diabetes, especially in an old dog and coupled with other medical conditions, can be challenging but it's not overwhelming. Just get educated, have a good Vet (one who is very well versed in Diabetes), have a plan, monitor and log everything and be consistent. After a lifetime of training for and implementing killing and police skills I've found a joy in tending to Trooper. I'm a pretty fair nurse. Who would have guessed? Also, don't get stressed out. If you need a break take it just make sure you've got someone you trust to take over. Trooper is well attuned to my moods and if I'm stressed or in a bad mood it affects him as well. Lu and I still ride and I get to the gym as often as I can.

I've added some good links to the warrior Roll but there are a lot of great places out there to get information, helpful tips and inspiring stories. If anyone who reads this has any questions or needs some support or advice please contact me. Lu and I will help in any way that we can even if it's just to hold your hand.

As for Trooper, Lu and me, we've found a happy place and we're coping just fine. I'm overjoyed that I still have my best friend and I'm determined to make his final days as easy and happy as I can. I owe it to him and it's a true labor of love.

Thank you my friends for your advice and support. It has meant the world to Trooper, Lu and me.

Six

Trooper Update II

I have news that may bring a smile to your face. Trooper is alive and doing pretty well. Please forgive my lengthy stay away but I wanted to be sure we really were past the crisis point before I posted another update.

Let me recap where we've been and tell you what's happened and where we're going.

On Friday, April 30th Trooper suffered a heart attack and nearly died. You already know so I won't go into that night any further. On Monday, May 3rd we went in and saw his Vet. The news was bad and we prepared for the worst. Now, the Vet is a great Doc who loves Trooper. We cried, he cried but he also saw something I didn't and drew blood and ran tests.

On Tuesday, May 4th Trooper was diagnosed with Insulin dependent Diabetes. His blood glucose was 370. Normal is 70 to 138.

As funny as this may sound I was relieved. I now had something I could see and touch. Something I could fight and battle and fucking choke away from my dog. At the very least I saw a way I might at least ease his pain and give him some relief. I wasn't going to let him die without a hell of a fight. Doc agreed.

I went to the pharmacy and loaded up with Humulin N, Bayer Keto-Diastix test strips and 30 gauge needles. Lu made a check list and form for me to keep track of medications, injections, tests and diet. He got his first injection on the 4th at 2000. 10 Units. He gets a shot every 12 hours with a meal.

I keep track of everything that goes in and comes out. I get up and test him first thing in the morning. I feed him and give him his shot at 8 on the button. I monitor his food and water intake like a momma with a sick child. We've modified his food a bit. Same kibble but no people food, no pig ears (His stomach won't handle them anymore) and no rich treats. He gets canned food twice a day now to make sure he eats just before his shot (This is important. The Insulin must be given with a meal). Trooper doesn't even mind the shots. Hell, half the time he either sleeps through it or goes to sleep right after. Doesn't even ask for a cookie. What a dog. At night the same. A meal at 1930 and another shot at 2000.

The results? When Trooper was in his prime he was a tad over 90 pounds. After his hip replacement surgery I dropped him into the low to mid 70's and kept him there. At his Vet appointment on May 4th he was 62 pounds. At our last Vet visit on the 11th he had gained 3 pounds back. His blood glucose was 242. He's stopped panting like he's fighting for every breath. His balance is good. He has almost stopped having accidents in the house. He sleeps soundly and restfully. Even his eyesight has improved (Take heart Laura). He's stopped drinking and peeing gallons at a time. He even spends time in the living room with the family. He's not running around and playing but he will lie quietly and watch us and the kids.

He stays near me almost constantly. He's virtually never more than a few feet away and will follow me around the house. Sometimes the pants will come back and the only cure is to sit or lie beside him and stroke his fur and gently scratch his belly. He gets overwhelmed by loud noises and strange places. His walks (And he must get his regular exercise) are short, casual strolls.

But he's still here. He's at ease and peaceful. His pain and discomfort are lessened and maybe gone. He's gaining weight and is happy just to be with me. I'm happy just to be with him.

I don't go anywhere much right now. To the gym is about it. I missed out on the Disneyland trip with the grand kids but I don't really mind. It's for the very best of causes. I'm Trooper's nurse and companion. If it makes his life easier to be near me 24 hours a day then I will be near him 24 hours a day. His care has taken over my life and I'm grateful I have the time to be that caregiver. It is a labor of love.

We're adjusting and fine tuning his diet and especially his Insulin. He started out at 10 units but we've upped his dose to 12 now. We'll do another blood test next week at the Vet and I expect to see it down another 50 points. I suspect we'll finally settle in at 13 or 14 units.

I want to be clear here. I am a happy man. I know he's got a serious disease but it's something I can deal with and help Trooper to fight. The DO and I have been studying and researching to make sure we're doing all we can. She's been a peach by the way. Not only helping out but also taking care of posting while I've been otherwise occupied.

I'm trying not to get carried away. I know trooper's time is still short. He's 14 years old, has had a heart attack and is dealing with Diabetes. The Vet was clear on this. I believe I'm buying him time but if I do nothing except make his remaining life easier it is a salve to my soul to be able to do so. Frankly, in the dark hours when I was sure I was watching him slip away I prayed for a way to ease his suffering. I was lost and in anguish because he was in such terrible pain. I nearly...... I am a man and I know what my duty to Trooper is. I am eternally grateful to God that it didn't come to that.

Here's a couple of links I have found useful should you ever find yourself in our shoes.

Canine Diabetes and

Pet Diabetes

Both are great sites full of useful information and links. I am seriously indebted to my Veterinarian, a man I will cherish forever. I love you Doc. The DO is doing the bulk of the research because she's smarter than I am and is learning and passing on to me critical stuff every day. Lu has been a rock and has taken on the meds and shot on those mornings when I'm completely worn out and she just wants to see me get some sleep. Thanks guys, I love you both.

So, bottom line here. Trooper's health is steadily improving. We've got a handle on his Diabetes and he is pain free. Trooper is a strong dog and he's aptly named. He's a real Trooper. I know this sounds sappy but we're both pretty happy and determined to be together as long as we can. I'm looking forward to the future with more than a modicum of optimism. I get to keep my boy for at least a little longer and the world is just a bit brighter today.

Thank you again my friends. I am indebted to all of you as well. Your well wishes and prayers meant more to Trooper and me than I can ever say. This is our pledge to you. Trooper and I will live each day together in memory of the beloved pets each of you have lost along the way. We dedicate this fight to all of them and to you, the people they loved.

Prayers sometimes are answered.

Six

Trooper Update

I'd like to take a minute and thank all of you who have sent Trooper and me your love and concern. Words cannot express how much they have meant to me and how much I appreciate them and you. That we have somehow attracted such as you humbles me beyond my ability to describe.

We had an appointment with the vet today at 2:30. I trust him implicitly. He's been Trooper's vet since he was 7 weeks old. He loves Trooper nearly as much as I do.

Trooper had a heart attack. Doc thinks he was as close as I feared he was on Friday night. Neither of us is quite sure how or why Trooper held on but somehow he did. As of today Trooper is markedly better. We don't know how long that will last but at this point I'll take what I can get. We talked for a bit and he got us ready for what is inevitably coming. We agreed that when the time comes I'll let him go. We're all hoping that will be here, at home. Doc believes he may well have another heart attack and simply pass on. For my part, since I know he must go, I hope it is here.

Thank you again. Both for your support and for stopping by this very modest little blog. I consider each of you a friend. We're still in hospice mode so I'm going to take a little break from here. My heart just isn't in it and my boy needs me right now.

I'll see you soon.

Six