'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton

29 June 2012

The Hurricane JB's Big Boy And Raw Chicken. An Adventure in Dining and Salmonella.

Dear JB's, Hurricane Utah branch, Manager.

I went to your fine dining establishment this afternoon for a nice lunch with my lovely wife. She had the salad bar and I had the Chicken Fried Chicken sandwich because I'm a guy and I'll eat most anything chicken fried. I say most anything because I did in fact discover something today that is both chicken fried and completely inedible. And that something is your Chicken Fried Chicken sandwich with the raw chicken center.

The problems here are manifold. First, the outer fried texture combined with the cooked outer section led me to believe the meat was in fact properly cooked. So much so that I took a nice, healthy bite right out of the center of the sandwich without a care in the world. I thought the bite tasted a bit 'off' though so, as I was swallowing that large bite, I examined things a bit more carefully. Imagine my surprise to find that the center of the chicken breast was uncooked. Raw in fact. Not raw in the sense that it was hot but not quite cooked thoroughly. No no no. I'm talking about just above cold from the refrigerator raw. Salmonella raw.

Second. When that happens, and in any restaurant something like this is always a possibility, don't then send out the waitress to apologize for the error on behalf of the pimple faced, minimum wage cook who was sooo sure it was really really done and everything and then ask me if I want another one just like it or would I prefer to see the menu again. Come yourself, apologize abjectly for your failure and beg my forgiveness. I've just eaten raw chicken from your kitchen, half measures at this point will probably be frowned upon.

Third. When I have so declined and indicated that I have inexplicably lost my appetite don't then send her back out to tell me that if I get sick to call and ask for you by name because you really do care. And for @#$%ing sure do not present me with a bill. Oh I know she deducted the raw chicken sandwich from the bill but there's a thing in your business one usually employs in these circumstances. Pay attention here. It's called 'Comping.' Comping is when you and your staff have screwed up royally and you need to try and make things right and maybe not have an angry customer leave with an upset stomach and a strong desire to warn others away from your eating establishment and maybe sue you into penury. It is the polite and more importantly the right thing to do. For the $7.82 that we left for my wife's salad bar you have lost anything I may have spent with you over the years plus the money from others I will relate this little story to.

Fourth. People die from eating raw chicken. If you would like to prevent this from happening and perhaps keep you and your restaurant from being sued you might want to give your cooks a little training in the whole chicken cooking thing. I'm a fair cook myself (and in fact worked as a cook for JB's for a few years back in high school) so if you're strapped for assistance in that endeavor just ask me. At this point I'd be happy to school your staff to ensure no one else bites down on another chicken and bacteria sandwich. That's also something you might care to relate to me, the afflicted customer as well. The whole "I'll make sure nothing like this ever happens again. I swear!" thing.

I never forget and seldom forgive. And remember, you're famous now and the internet is indeed forever.

And now I must go. I'm feeling a bit queasy and the porcelain throne is calling out for the contents of my stomach. But hey, at least you made a cool eight bucks today. I hope that is a comfort to you as I puke my guts out from the results of your incompetence.

On the other hand, knowing I have my ambulance chasing lawyer on speed dial will be for me. Something to think on?



Sarge said...

eeeeeewwwwww Barfffff, I've eaten at that same JB's even had the same Chicken Fried Chicken Sandwich. But I bet it won't happen again. I think I would have, without preamble, puked on the cooks shoes.

Six said...

It was bad Pop. Really bad.

agirlandhergun said...

Lol. We had a similar thing happen. In my new phase of standing up for myself, I very politely told the waiter that raw food was a little disappointing. The manager came over, gave me his card and said the next time I was in I should let the people know he gave me his card.

I thought sure, I will just come in, drop a name, and by doing so inform everyone I had complained and wait for the cook to spit in my food:). I am sure they would 't do that, but you know...

Six said...

Sorry to hear that. Raw food served by folks who actually get paid to cook is a little disappointing isn't it? And you'd think, in this economy, that they'd do everything in their power to make things right.

When I read that line about spit I flashed to Super Troopers.
"Does this look like spit to you?"
"Eh, %&#@ it."

I love that movie :)