'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton

21 June 2012

Bacon, Summer And Angus. A Love Story.

It's gotten hot here. Hundred plus degrees hot. So it's time again for Angus' favorite Summer treat. Bacon Cubes. I've written about them before but I'll put up the recipe again for anyone who missed it the first time.

First. Get some bacon bits. Yes, these are Kirkland brand but I bought them before I knew Costco was run by hippies. I'll have to watch Angus after he eats these lest he suddenly start wearing sandals and carrying a 99 Percenter sign while complaining about the No Pooping In The House policy. 

Pour some water into ice cube trays and add in the bacon bits. I count out each bacon bit individually so as to ensure even distribution throughout the entire tray and avoiding those sad doggy eyes when one of them thinks the other got more bacon in their cube than they did. I hate those eyes. They make me feel like giving the ASPCA my life savings and moving to a mountaintop in New Jersey, there to meditate on the state of man in relation to nature whilst contemplating my collection of navel lint. Naked of course.

Anyway. Place the ice trays into the freezer. This is important now; make sure the freezer is set to Freeze. If it's set to kinda freezy or worse yet, not freezy at all the ice won't set up and the cubes cubes simply won't form and you'll get Soggy Bacon Mush and no one wants that. Well, Angus might but he eats cat poop so what does he know? I usually test my freezer by putting my head in and shutting the door as far as possible. If my hair snaps off after 15 minutes we're good to go. If not it may be time to check your temperature setting or perhaps your stylist. Make sure you're alone for this step as your significant other may take this as an opportunity to ridicule you or otherwise make fun of your gullibility.

When the water has set up you'll get something called an Ice Cube. Don't worry about that, it's just a Frenchy term we gourmet chefs use. Like Horse De Overs and Petity Le Foux Grass. But these Ice Cubes are different because they have bacon in them. See how we did that?

When finished it should look something like this.

I know the recipe is complicated and complex with a confusing number of technical steps and a vast array of ingredients and cookware needed for completion but don't let that put you off. If you follow the recipe exactly as I've laid it out, skipping no steps and paying particular attention to the small details, you too can turn out canine worthy Bacon Cube treats that will be the hit of the play date and the talk of the neighborhood. Except for those neighbors who say hurtful things like "Well, Duh", "That's It!? and "Margaret, call the ambulance, he's finally gone mental." Ignore them, it's just the jealousy talking.

These are your customers and the only ones whose opinions count. And I assure you that you'll be hailed as a conquering hero and slobbered upon incessantly when you bring those babies out. Not in this picture obviously. In this picture the dogs are recovering from a just completed wild celebration of All Things Bacony Cubey and are simply resting, conserving their energy until the next round of We Love Daddy. I swear. Would I lie to you?

Bacon Cubes. Simple treats from a simple mind.



agirlandhergun said...

So clever. Lots of dog lovin bloggers out there, I bet will love this idea!

Six said...

Thank you! Is it wrong of me to admit that I tried one myself. Just for quality control you understand.

Murphy's Law said...

I never thought of such a thing. Murphy now loves you like few other people.

instinct said...

OK, freeze water.. add bacon... aw crud, messed it up again!

Six said...

Hey, I'm here to help ML!

Keep trying Instinct. It took me years to perfect the recipe.

Lee from La said...

Dave Berry would be proud of this article.

Six said...

Thanks Dave! I really appreciate that. I love his stuff.

Keads said...

If I had a dog, that would be covered in awesome!

Keads said...

Oh, Happy BDay Sir!

Six said...

Thanks Keads and right back at ya. June babies are the best babies!

Brigid said...

Barkley wants to know if Angus has a sister he can marry (or at least sniff after you all have gone to sleep).

This is just full of bacon and win!!

Six said...

Thanks Brigid. If Barkley likes older women Chrisi says she's game :)