'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton

07 February 2012

Troll Smiting

Trolls. We've all had them. What do you do? Ban them? Beat them about the head and shoulders with verbal judo and logic sticks? Ignore them and hope they'll go away? Father Z has an answer.

Litany for the conversion of internet thugs (2.0).
(For private use only, when truly irritated and when the alternative is foul language.)

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God, the Son, Redeemer of the World, have mercy on us.
God, the Holy Ghost, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God, have mercy on us.

Lest internet thugs be eternally tormented by all the fiends of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they pass eternity in utter despair, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they come to be damned for the harm they cause, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they roast forever in the deepest cinders of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they suffer the unceasing pain of loss, convert them, O Lord.

Lest devils endlessly increase their physical agony, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils twist their bowels and boil their blood in hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils use them as toys and tools, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils forever gnaw upon their skulls, convert them, O Lord.

Lest the innocent be harmed by the sins of thugs, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent yield to thugs in weakness, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent be drawn into thuggish traps, convert them, O Lord.

From faceless Facebook admin drones, spare us O Lord.
From tweeting Twitter idiots, spare us O Lord.
From loony Wikipedia liars, spare us O Lord.
From from heart-hardened spammers, spare us O Lord.
From liberal nut-case smear-blogging hacks, spare us O Lord.
From thread-dominating combox trolls, spare us, O Lord.
From sophomoric drive-by commentators, spare us, O Lord.

From server memory resource difficulties, spare us O Lord.
From rss feed problems, spare us O Lord.
From DOS attacks, spare us O Lord.
From power outages and surges, spare us O Lord.
From viruses, trojan horses, and all manner of snares, Lord save us.
From wasting our time, Lord save us.
From our own stupidity, Lord save us.

St. Michael, defend us.
St. Gabriel, defend us.
Holy Guardian Angels, defend us.
St. Isidore of Seville, defend us.
St. Francis de Sales, defend us.
St. Maximilian Kolbe, defend us.
All ye angels and saints….. GRRRRR.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord,
Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V. Christ, Jesus who died for our sins.
R. Please return, and return swiftly.

Let us pray.
Almighty and merciful God,
who according to Thy ineffable plan
hast called us into existence to do Thy will
amid the vicissitudes and contagion of this world
grant, we beseech Thee,
both protection for Thy servants who use the tools of this digital age
and confusion for evil-doers who abuse their neighbors and Thy gifts.
Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

St. Michael Smiting Trolls. I like it.
Six

8 comments:

Sarge said...

There should be some kind or powder you can douse them with!!!!!

instinct said...

When I lived in San Francisco and was confronted with the gun grabbers I would hold up my NRA card and say "The Power of Charlton Heston compels you!Get thee behind me!!"

Ed Rasimus said...

I tried, I tried and I tried again. But simply had no alternative but going to administration of comments which is a PITA. Now, as for litanies, isn't there something frighteningly robotic about that repetition, orchestrated responses, and ritual which really is counter-productive and makes one question the intellectual capacity of the whole clergy thing? Somewhere there must be a control in Blogger that allows for push-button frying of motherboards of persistent trolls, we pray thee oh Lord!

Ed Rasimus said...

I couldn't stand it any longer. I waited a respectable two hours and then stole it (with attribution to Fr. Z and a hat tip to Warrior Class, of course).

Could litanies be the sire of the illegitimate offspring we know today as rap?

Six said...

I never thought about it that way before Ed.

Troll Killa?
I got a Troll in my sights
My Glock in my hand
Gonna smite that bastich
Just as hard as I can
I'm a gangsta
Hardcore from the block
Killin' MFin Trolls
Is my trade in stock

I think I'll just go ahead and keep my day job.

Sarah The Cranky said...

I dunno, Six. Your rap is a lot more intellectual than the mainstream stuff. Heh.

P.S. Tag, you're it. (Check my blog.)

MrG's said...

Hi Six

I am passing on a "liebster blog" award to you. You can see it here. I have enjoyed your blog for a while;)

http://mydailykona.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-got-award.html

It 'splains what it is.

JihadGene said...

Amen...LOOONG time!!! Great post!