Brain Damaged Soccer Moms: A Rant

You ever look at other people and wonder why their heads don't collapse? I mean, what's holding their skull up, air pressure? 'Cause it sure ain't brains. With the kids here and going to school I've become a Soccer Mom and I'm about to kill someone.

Exit means that's where you leave the parking lot not enter. It doesn't just mean that for everyone else, it also pertains to you. Enter is spelled, and stay with me here, E N T E R. I know exit and enter have the same first letter but they're different words with entirely different meanings. You're just gonna have to trust me on this one. When you enter through the exit, while all the rest of us are trying to get out of the lot to leave room for others to drop their kids off at school, and try to jam your way in like a salmon trying to swim upstream it causes problems for everyone else. Oh and that guy with the reflective vest and clipboard? The one who's waving and shouting at you while he dives to the ground desperately trying to avoid becoming a hood ornament on your earth sensitive pedestrian dozer? Yeah, he's the school Principal and he's trying to keep order and let you know you're doing it wrong. He's also not happy with you and may make that displeasure more firmly known at some future point. Just FYI. As the famous philosopher Sumdood said so eloquently, just because you're a lazy moron and running late does not mean you can make your problems into mine. I hope this is enuf said because I have a beast of a truck with 200,000 miles on the odometer, enough dents and gouges to qualify it as a demolition derby casualty and is worth approximately 6 bucks. If one more of you brain damaged people try to squeeze past me while I'm doing no more than try to leave after obeying the rules and dropping my kids off at school I'm going to get her up to ramming speed and see if I can make your greenmobile into a dolphin free tuna can.

And while we're at it. No Parking means NO PARKING! It's where we drop off our kids not where you can drop anchor right the hell in the middle of everything while you walk precious 25 feet into the school. Precious is quite capable of walking that distance without your assistance, especially since you're also using that as an excuse to stop for 15 minutes and talk to all the other mothers who can't bear to let their own little Abby Normals out of their sight. That's why it's called a Parking Lot. And yes, if you stop, put it in Park, get out and walk away you are PARKED, even if you did stupidly leave the engine running. That's not being clever and in accord with the letter of the law. It's idiotic and imbecillic and the rest of us know what you're doing and it pisses us off. You can park in the lot and walk your suet impacted ass to the front door if you simply must but stop parking in the fucking drop off zone.

Not that I'm bitter an angry or anything. Just saying is all. Stop poking the large and easily angered bear. He's been able to ignore the voices in his head so far but they're getting stronger and you do not want to know what they're telling him. Seriously.

Six