Borepatch gently reminded me that I haven't updated Mom's status in a while. I suppose I'm still in a bit of denial.
Mom has confirmed lung cancer. Being who she is she has refused any more testing and any treatments except pain meds and an inhaler (though she will be on oxygen very soon). The specialists who viewed her x-rays said she had one large mass and a whole bunch of smaller ones. It's apparently pretty aggressive. She's already started to get worse. We're being told the prognosis is 2 to 4 months. Doctors are frequently wrong about that kind of thing but we all are preparing and thankful we have the time and chance to do so. The DO and the kids were just here and had the opportunity to see her and say their goodbyes, for which I will always be grateful. She only lives 3 hours away so Lu and I get to her house once a week or so. We're trying to prepare as best we can for something I really don't even want to think about much less face but what can we do? Life is what it is and if we're going to live we must also die and face the death of those we love.
I am hardly alone in this. Both Brigid and Borepatch have lost a beloved parent recently. Many, even most, of you have experienced the same. You know very well what I'm going through and, if you'll forgive my presumption here, that knowledge gives me comfort. None of us are truly alone. There are wells of strength in our families and friends just waiting to be tapped in times of need and I'm going to need that strength in the coming months. I'm not going to dwell on what I cannot change nor am I going to wallow in self pity. I am going to carry on as best I can and do what a son is supposed to do. I will love and support my mother for as long as I can and as best I can and then I will grieve and honor her memory. Mom wouldn't have it any other way.
I have Lu by my side and she's a rock. A true pillar of love and support. I was truly blessed on the day we met. I'd be a basket case without her.
I'll update as I can and as the time of our parting nears but I'm also going to carry on here as before. We all cope in the way that seems best to each of us and my time here, talking about the mundane as well as the important, is a balm to my soul. Thank you all for all your support over the time I've been here. I consider each of you as friends and always will.
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11 comments:
I've leaned on my faith in Christ and on my wife often. Both have been the best for me. On good days... and bad. Prayers sent her way and your way. Gene
My prayers are with you. We were very fortunate with my mother to have absolutely wonderful hospice care. I hope your mother is as blessed as they provided so much support and assistance, both to Mom and to us.
Thanks Gene. My faith is a sustaining blessing and I really appreciate the prayers.
Thank you for the prayers Spikessib. She does have a Hospice and good in home coverage. They really are a God send.
You're right, none of us are alone.
The best advice I got was from ASM826 of <a href="http://randomactsofpatriotism.blogspot.com/>Random Acts of Patriotism</a>:
Say what has to be said.
What you want to say.
What you think you shouldn't say.
What you think you can't say.
Say it.
For me, this was very hard, but it was very good advice.
Good luck.
Thank you BP. I hate even the thought of regrets. I will do my best.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time. I hope for the best for you and yours.
Thanks TRE, it's greatly appreciated.
OH, I am late to this post and sorry it had to be written. The loss will be hard. It will echo through you the rest of your days.
If I could offer only this - take a video camera and spend the day, have her tell the tales and the family history that you think you know by heart already. Go through the family photos and label the old strangers. And the recipes - find them, keep them.
I never did learn how to make her pot roast.
I am so sorry...she is being wise though it is hard to see it now.
Thanks for your words of wisdom Laura. I'm finally getting used to the idea at least. Mom does have a lot of family history that does need to be kept. The camera idea is a good one. Thanks.
My family's prayers are with you.
Thanks Instinct. Prayers are always appreciated.
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