'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton

01 July 2013

Grandkids - A Lttle Awesome and A Little Ewww

We went for a nice trail ride today. It was the first chance to try out the new suspension bikes we bought for the kids. The bikes were a hit and the kids got quickly back into the swing of mountain biking. Of course there was one more purchase we had to make.

When we got rid of the old bikes everything went with them. That meant new helmets were in order. We decided to wait and let the kids pick out their own so off to the big box store we went. Miss Princess went with Grandma while Captain Awesome and I perused the offerings. When each saw the helmets we eventually bought they were instantly grasped by excited hands and pronouncements of their awesomeness were both voluble and oft repeated. Which ones did they pick out you ask?

That's a cat on the left and a mohawk on the right. Cool Kitty and Mysterious Mohawk. They were in 7 and 9 year old heaven. Miss Princess refused to take hers off even in the restaurant where we went for an after ride breakfast. Which brings me to the Ewww part of the story.

I have now seen consumed what is perhaps the most vile and noxious meal ever imagined in the fevered dreams of even the most jaded and exploitative restauranteur. It was at IHOP so you may already have an unsettling idea of what we witnessed.

They both ordered the chocolate with chocolate chip pancakes. With whip cream of course. They then proceeded to absolutely cover them with every type of syrup available. Maple, butter pecan, blueberry and the horrible boysenberry. The plates were swimming in the stuff. It soaked into the pancakes and combined with the whip cream to produce a vile concoction that both kids ate with barely concealed glee, pronouncing it 'delicious'. I got a toothache just sitting at the same table. I couldn't even watch them eat. It was like two sugar sharks in a feeding frenzy with little bits of brown pancake flotsam and multicolored syrup jetsam. Even the gore channel would have begged off filming it.

It occurred to me that they may have stumbled upon the perfect interrogation technique for adults.

"Won't talk eh? Well how about we add some....BOYSENBERRY!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

"No no. Anything but that. I'll talk! I'll talk!" (Sounds of uncontrolled sobbing and retching)

Then again, it might just be too cruel. I know I'll never look at the kids menu the same way again.

The horror. The horror.


Rev. Paul said...

I'm with you, sir; that concoction sounds grotesque.

Brighid said...

Alright! where does a granny get one of those Mohawk helmets? Do they come in adult sizes, because you know...
Concoction does sound pretty terrible!

Monkeywrangler said...

Eh, that's not so bad, if you don't mind visual diabetes from all the sugar! Just wait until their teenage/college years...then it will get truly gross!

RabidAlien said...

Watched our 4-year-old dip her bacon strip into one of those little plastic jelly containers they put out on the table at a local breakfast-lunch diner. Then sprinkle it with pepper. Then ate the whole dang thing.

I *used* to think that I had a cast-iron stomach....

Old NFO said...

AND they will be on a sugar high for the next three days!!! :-)

agirlandhergun said...

lol, I am with you, expect I have fond memories of Knott's Berry Farm boysenberry syrup. Made me smile just reading the words:)

instinct said...

Kids are weird. Matthew will eat ketchup by itself. Nothing else but his little fingers dipping in ketchup and then licking it off.

Six said...

Rev. - I think it'd kill us both!

Brighid - Like so many awesome things they only come in kid sizes. We're going to have to rely on our hairdressers!

MonkeyWrangler - Oh, we can't wait. With their eating habits now I can only imagine!

RabidAlien - That sounds very kid palette friendly. You'd think all that time in the Army would have made me immune but nooo!

Old NFO - You know it. Bouncing off the walls. Luckily, as grandparents we can fill them with junk and then turn 'em back over to their parents. Sweet, sweet revenge.

AGirl - I loved Knotts Berry! Though I fear I will never love Boysenberry :)

Instinct - Taste, kids just lack it!!