'The true Soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because He loves what is behind him.' -G. K. Chesterton

25 May 2011

New Pirates Movie Review

Lu and I saw the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie yesterday. Can I say how much I love living in a town where you can see an afternoon matinee basically alone?

I am not a professional movie reviewer nor do I play one on TV but I am a movie goer with some expendable income and an opinion.

Anyway. The fourth installment of the Pirates franchise was....disappointing. It was slow and I thought Blackbeard was wasted. It could have been fun but I watched the climax thinking "Who cares?" It was awkward, painful and less than fulfilling. Frankly, I couldn't wait for it to end. I'm really hoping I'll enjoy it more in a few years when it hits television but I'm thinking not.

Both Lu and I loved the original. The second was OK and the third Meh. I actively disliked this movie and Lu essentially agrees. The movie dragged. Barbarossa was changed and not for the better. He was ugly and not in a fun and interesting way. And who the hell thought the mermaid characters were a good idea? They could have been but no thought went into fleshing out their history and actions and in the end we are left wondering what happened to one in particular along with her love interest. And the back story?

{(Spoiler alert) Blackbeard has a magical sword that makes ropes and sails move by themselves. It was never explained and frankly pissed me off. The Black Pearl was shrunk and encased in a bottle but it was also not explained.}

The movie is slow, riddled with holes and characters I hated or didn't care about. Depp's Swallow was contrived and boring. In short, the movie sucked. If you have to see it I recommend waiting for it to come out on Pay Per View. At least then you can turn it off.

$8.50 and 2 hours of our time wasted. Maybe it's time to just let this franchise die. I recommend making the head of Disney studios walk the plank.



Scott McCray said...

So...you didn't really like it?

Ed Rasimus said...

Hollywood hasn't mastered the art of knowing when to quit. When the public still wants more is a good time to leave the stage. Flogging a franchise until people hate it and there are so many sequels that people can't remember the order isn't a good marketing strategy (See Harry Potter, Rocky and Friday XIII.)

Creativity is exhausted in tinseltown. Maybe a good AF Fighter Pilot movie? Something like an All-American Athlete, triple ace, pioneer jet demo pilot marries Hollywood movie star and live a conflicted life thereafter?

Six said...

I've always been too subtle Scott.

I'm actually sitting here watching the History Channel's "Air Ambush" episode starring one Robin Olds Ed. Yeah, that's a moivie that needs to be made. You interested in writing the screenplay? Please??

instinct said...

It would never get made, Six, unless they change things so that somehow America is the bad guy and the main character is an evil, military right wing thug, who cheats on his wife with his wing-man.

Six said...

That made me laugh Instinct but oh man, you are so right. We need to start our own production company with Big Ed as the new Sam Goldwyn.